Student at Oxford University apologises for leaving unborn children on pool table

An Oxford University student has apologised after leaving sperm on a pool table. Shocked students at the university’s posh Jesus College were sickened when they spotted a dodgy stain on the green baize. The college’s Junior Common Room team launched an investigation to find the culprit after the white blotch appeared two weeks ago.

Last week an anonymous letter from the student responsible has now been sent to the college. The student said he was sorry for leaving ”two teaspoons of my unborn children”. It read: ”The pool table is a piece of equipment that facilitates a multitude of complex, enjoyable and satisfying cue sports, among them pool, snooker and billiards.

”It is not, therefore, an appropriate place for me to deposit two teaspoons of my unborn children.” The JCR has now framed the letter which is displayed next to the pool table.

Student Declan Clowry, 19, who attends Jesus College, said: ”I think it’s good that he had the balls to come clean. I just hope it doesn’t become a cue for more unorthodox potting in the JCR pool room.” Another student added: ”I’m a little bit impressed by the guy. Nobody thought he had it in him.”